the long story

It all started with a somewhat étrange inclination of a girl called Evie B.T to draw on fancy moustaches with eye liner pencil, often aqua green, when she thought no one could see. I tried it, it felt good and it became a regular part of my life too.

One hot summer's day, one of the first of this year, Evie, another friend of the growing up club, Gaby and I were sitting on the concrete floor of my balcony dreaming of boats. Suddenly, I wished for a cardboard cut-out one floating on a foily sea.

You know, I often think of tandems and trandems and such, and particularly I think of one special trandem that used to belong to 'The Goodies' and now belongs to the boys from 'The Trap'.

So, I made this song and it goes:

I wish I was a man,
I wish I was an homme,
I wish I was the rhythm,
I wish I was a song.

I wish I was a sailor,
sailing in a boat,
I wish I was a sailor
sailing just to float

(chorus)

I wish I was a lady
a-sitting sipping tea
I wish I was a lady
I was that that was me

(chorus)

I wish I was a ball,
a-rolling down a hill,
I wouldn't like to be kicked though
that wouldn't be so brill...
that wouldn't be so brill...

(chorus)

To which I imagined Evie, Gaby and I riding around Montmatre at dawn before the tourists arrive, on 'The Goodies' three-seater bike, dressed as men with drawn on moustaches, perhaps even aqua green ones.

Then dressed as sailors with the cardboard cut out boat and our feet poking out the bottom standing on the little footbridge the crosses the beginning of the canal d'ourcq by Jaures metro.

And after in oversized dresses sipping at tea in fine china mugs (perhaps a little broken) sitting on a pretty rug on some green grass.

Finally, curled up and rolling down a grassy slope.

So you see now? And next to trying to make it happen, this is where I need a little help from you, my friends of the earth.

First of all, I wrote to my friend Jeremy Limb from 'The Trap' to ask if it was indeed called a trandem and where I could find myself one of those. To which he replied kindly offering to lend me the very one if I could somehow transport it from London to Paris..

(bearing in mind there is no budget and my job as a under-employed english teacher isn't raking anything in other than debt, but I do play the violin so at least I can accompany my own self-pity for myself, he he)

- Eurostar, it turns out, DO accept bikes but DO NOT accept tandems, which didn't stop me asking but seeing as they've taken such a hard line with tandems they can't really bend the rules, unless I bent the frame, which I fear is not really a possibility.

- So, I tried a shipping company and the best offer I found is 190 euros for the outward journey to be paid upon arrival (Monday 25th August) and 170 euros to be paid within 6 weeks.

- My lovely friends Tom and Lucy offered to try persuading their old van to make the journey but the price of the eurotunnel for a van + petrol + road tax exceeds the shipping company offer, so their wheels may live a little longer yet.

If I can raise 190 euros by Monday the bike could get to Paris

I can set about making the boat this weekend, anybody with any recent experience in this field, advice would be most welcome and also from anyone with a feeling of what colour it should be painted. I think light blue, although that is very similar to water colour isn't it?

The costumes should be able to be pieced together through the depths of the second-hand clothes filled wardrobes of people I know, or people who let me in when I knock. Not forgetting, of course, to practise drawing my best fancy moustache (lessons from Evie B.T).

The next stroke of luck, and now new challenge was a new friend Loraine putting me in touch with a friend of hers, Zach Bangma, who lives in L.A and works in film. He called, we spoke, and he thought the idea sounded fun and agreed to come over to film it as he was to be coming over to Bucarest at the beginning of September and could extend his ticket to come over to Paris on his way.

So, he's coming to direct and make the film, he arrives on Monday the 25th of August and before then I must:

1) Find someone with a car to pick him + camera etc up from the airport (around 4pm)

2) Raise about 500 euros for the cost of his flight extension, the film and the initial development.. eek

3) Find somewhere for him to stay from the 25th to the 30th August (as otherwise he will be sharing a studio flat with 3 other people)

Then the final hurdle (for now!) is the timing. It has to happen between the 25th and 30th and Gaby and I are working. My hours are more flexible as Gaby is doing an internship at a french fashion house and the hours can be très long. Hopefully, she'll be able to get one or two early nights and then she'll be able to wake up to get up the steps of Montmatre for sunrise.

The expression to bite off more than one can chew comes to mind, but I can blame no one but myself for that and I don't suppose I would want it any other way. Please, if there is anything you can do or donate, dear sweet and darstardly handsome reader, I would be so very very grateful and your name will have pride of place in the credits. If not, thank you for reading and wish us luck.

Cheers

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